Dating across levels of observance
Key facts
| Key to it | Regular, honest conversations |
|---|---|
| Avoid | Trying to change your partner |
| Helps | Shared rituals you make together |
| Talk early about | Shabbat, kashrut and family |
Jewish life looks different from home to home. Two people can both feel deeply Jewish and still do things differently. What matters is how you handle it together.
Have conversations, not arguments
One couple in Hey Alma, with very different views on halacha and prayer, started treating their talks as conversations to learn from rather than arguments. They say constant communication carries them through the highs and lows.
Source: Hey Alma: How four couples with conflicting Jewish backgrounds make it work, checked 8 November 2026
Don't try to convert each other
In the same piece, one partner keeps Shabbat and kosher and the other doesn't. They now accept the way each other practises, and he helps with things she won't do on Shabbat. Her advice is not to treat a partner as someone to bring round to your ways.
Source: Hey Alma: How four couples with conflicting Jewish backgrounds make it work, checked 8 November 2026
Make new traditions together
Couples in the piece built shared rituals, like lighting Hanukkah candles together, and blended family customs at Shabbat dinner. You don't have to be wrong for your partner to be right.
Source: Hey Alma: How four couples with conflicting Jewish backgrounds make it work, checked 8 November 2026
Questions
When should we talk about observance?
Early, but gently. A simple chat about Shabbat, food and festivals in the first few dates saves surprises later.
What about family expectations?
They can be strong. Be honest with each other first, and give family time to get to know your partner.
When should we talk about raising children?
When things are getting serious. There's no rush on a first date, but it's worth talking about before you plan a future.
Read next
Our sister site Smooch has a page on dating in Manchester. WhichDating, our sister review site, has a guide to first date tips.